Showing posts from August, 2012

dopey and 'soley'

it's not the best start for the week after returning to reality..
apart from grumpy and grouchy, it's irritating and snapping.. this is the part where i'll say i don't like myself very much.. being impulsive verbally and physically.. i don't hate myself..but i'm disgusted and annoyed with myself.. i wonder... somehow i don't think my behaviour is acceptable. judging myself severely is a norm.. believe it or's actually rather stressful.. yet, i can't stop it.. i have been revising before lectures and it's only the first week? i can already feel the stress mounting.. there may not be lectures tomorrow...but i will be spending the whole of tomorrow preparing for other chapters and revising.. i can't afford to dawdle like last semester..

where's my muse? i'm so lost again. how many times must i go through this phase? it's exhausting.
// working like a dope pulling at the rope never reaching the top ever falling on the same r… (repost)

you call it a lie
i tell you goodbye
you gave me your love
i called it a bluff
you want me to stay
i tell you to go away
you say i'm like your sky
i just want to fly
you asked me for dinner
i left you a flower
you tried to call me
i went in search for lee
you warned me of danger
i ran for cover
you found me
i was with you in the lee....thanks be...

my way~

don't hate unless u really have to
but try not to, else u'll burn urself out..
my way?
the more you dislike someone, the closer you should get to know that person better to understand why you can't stand him or her.
i have to admit, being friends with pips who happen to have other friends of yours dislike is not easy..
having to cope with all the gossips on both ends..
somehow JJ and Fells have a point.
which is the real me?
how can i blend in all and not know which to support?
just know which is right.
which is rational.
not who's right or wrong.
but how to differentiate both and not take sides.
how is that not complicated?
i guess i live a complicated life then.
don't like dramas in life, don't like hatred in life.
so, just embrace all and shift them around till they're gone.
in other words, no avoidance. but tolerance.
not very good advice, but for me, and to me, everything will work out eventually.
keep telling yourself that.
that'll happen.


i've always doubted. wondered. stressed. thought. being a pessimist definitely has its perks. expecting the unexpected. i was right.
it's a way of life?.. but why so many complications when one can just go straight into it.. simple. spoilt. self-absorbed. stubborn. stuffy. feeling lost again.
or maybe just more confusion.
i'm wondering why did i allow them inside..
it's starting to irritate me so..
i'm starting to not abide them..
Ferret doesn't like them, neither does Desi and gang.
apart from the obvious, they proved to be exactly as i had thought people like them do.
Ferret said to not get too near else things will get worse..
Pebbles said do not get involve with complications..
why do people behave the way they do?....
it's life...


insomnia -> paranoid

which one?
it's endless and tiring.
i haven't had a proper good rest since i came home.
mediocre does not compliment what the current state of person i am at the moment.
neither does depression.
agitated and constant irritation is more like it.
always wanting to please..
it's causing a toll on my health mentally and physically..
i want it all to stop..
there's no sleep when i close my eyes..
the constant worrying and thinking..
i just want to...sleep.