Showing posts from June, 2011

feeling boorish

why can't u just trust me instead of listening to someone who's not really from this family?
i'd really like it a lot better if u'd just understand a bit more..
and i'd also like to give HER a nice thrashing.. i mean, hello? i'm asked to do this and that..and in the end, u report to mam and say that i'm not helping? WTF.
who the hell are u?
dang it.

i've already had enough of a sluggish day without you adding in more stories of such trivial matters..
sleep deprived included.
and the best part is that i thought that it was just 11ish when it was already 1ish..

oh yeah, Rutherford's helping out too. =)
yesterday, had a lil' gathering with all the MCians..
Carmenpatra, Porpy and Rutherford.. excluding me.. since i'm not.
but's definitely been a while since i've last saw everyone..
it was kinda short..but quite enjoyable..
and i also have to say that, Ruth's been the only one so far to have been to my work…

not much difference... but there's still a glimmer of hope..

the progress is grueling(UK)..
but then u can't expect miracles within a day or two, right?
we need space. lots of space. and also cooperative teamwork from the staff..
which we both lacked off..
guess we'll just have to grit our teeth and get on..
and i went past the time to go to work..
can't get it in me heart to continue doing my jobs yet with this devastating situation..

how much changes can there be?
how much more disappointing surprises do we have to endure?
for how long?..
it's a never-ending cycle..

-right down to the bone, pumped out-


it's so odd..but then.. i never knew u'd know what's going on..
even tho we're so near..
guess i know now... when u noticed that i've been busy lately... =)
a little ray of sunshine among that darkened clouds..
well.. the mess is still there.. and it's not going to go away so soon..
we'll just have to bide our time..
never lost our hope or faith..
the wake-up call.

-peace out-

..and so, we strive on.....

im saying, im saying..
no. i'm not traumatized.
i don't have any feelings.
i had only thoughts.
the future. finance. plan.
i'm thinking, just maybe. maybe she's a lil' bit surprised but it wasn't shown on her features that i didn't take it as badly as she thought i would..
thought i might need a lil' counseling and stuff..
being too calm and as though nothing happened musta put her off a lil'..
things happen, but instead of going on and on about the sadness etc.. nah, yeah, at first..
just for a lil' while.. but when u see that they are not wallowing in grief, but just discussing what's up next and you don't hear them saying, "Now, listen here, we are not in a good situation, we might have to---- etc." the worst things that you expect them to say..
no, life is as normal as can be... so, go with the flow..
the ol' cliche words.. everything will be alright. time will tell.
oh yeah, we made headlines in the Perak Chinese newspaper t…

is there anyway to say that everything is, well.. GONE?

how could it happen so sudden?
u never expect it..and pop! it happens..
it's so odd and terrifying as well as depressing to stand there watching the flames eat up your whole life's work..
i can't accept it still.. even after standing there for 7 hours, since 1am..
waiting for the flames to die down..
there weren't any hysterics or bawling..
just pure distraught and distressed emotions swirling around us..
keeping a constant vigil that at least there are still some of the goods that can be saved..
to think that today was suppose to be my off day to spend it with Nettie one last time before she leaves....well..guess i just broke it off..including my english teaching...
it's a little too much to bear..
i'm not in shock. but in a daze..
still thinking that it's all a nightmare..
oh gawwd.. how could this happen? ...especially when they weren't at home too.
i dreaded things like this to happen everytime when they're not around...
and this time.. it really happened..…

some mad hope in the beginning of June..

[how was your day?
was it alright? hectic?
tons to do?]

these are mostly what friends would ask when u start working..
thing is, the answer is mostly the same too.

[yeah, sure. fine, the usual, y'know..
not much. etc..]

hmmm.. to answer my monologue..
i'm bound to answer.. it's been mayhem.
what with the disastrous results of amount of practices came to nothing.
wasted breath and time.
amount of energy and enthusiasm ..all gone.
it's like back to square one.
i wonder how is it that i managed to turn out to be fairly well when i used to be under MC Chong.
yes, i like to help. but i want to see results too. GOOD RESULTS.
and i'm not getting them.
funny shocking thing is, they DO GET WHAT I WANT. but it's like what i was like, 10 times the mistakes and 3 times the accurate perfect playing.
just not every time. >.<

i'd like to wring necks and strangle or bang heads on the wall and knock 'em off their feet to make them see sense and get it..but all i do is, SCREAM…